The Five Stages of Post-Novel Completion

That dude looks like he just finished a novel, right?

The Dinner Stage: You've just pounded out your last sentence and YOU ARE THE FREAKING BOMB YO! You're bullet proof, nothing to lose. Fire away, fire away. Ricochet, you take your aim. Fire away, fire away. You still remember it, the very last sentence. You will never forget it as long as you live. And now that you've reported your successful endeavor on Facebook, why not celebrate with dinner?

The Honeymoon Stage: You're reading it, and it's pure gold. Easily the best piece of fiction to ever exist in the History of Man, Monkey, and Comquate. Seriously, you should be doing this for a living or something. Centuries from now historians will speculate as too just how it could it be possible to be as awesome as you? And you know what? THEY WILL FAIL! BECAUSE IT DON'T GET BETTER THEN YOU SO DEAL WITH IT YOU IGNORANT BARBARIANS! Now, just sit back and wait for the awards to start rolling in.

The Sharing Stage: The best things in life should be shared, don't you agree? So pass around the draft, let your friends shower you with praise over your sheer awesomeness. If they can handle it, that is.

The Dreading Stage: So you've gotten some feedback for your manuscript. All in good spirit, you know. As they say, no matter how awesome something is, it can only get better. Still, there's something in the pit of your stomach, and it's either dread or the intense need to pee. But you haven't drunk any fluids for the last few days, you've been so anxious about your baby-YOU MEAN BOOK-out in the world for the first time. Hmmmm....maybe its time to give your manuscript another work.

The Editing Stage: You can't remember what happiness is. How could you ever love this abomination? Look at it, it's disgusting. It's literally making you puke. THeir r jst SO MaNy, gramer, mitsakes,,,that. you dont no waht! tO do "wi"th ur self>/ And that kissing scene in the bathroom? Ew. So overdone. You know what? That whole romance is so over done. You should have just killed off those characters. Not only that, but this is so obviously based off of your life. Yeah, that's right. You hoped no one would notice but it's so glaringly in their faces that they'd have to be blind not to know. No, wait, even a blind person could tell. AND OHMYGOSH WHY DO YOU KEEP USING THE WORD PROBABLY? This is no novel. This is toilet paper, at best. You need Jesus.

~Sigh...Finished my fourth manuscript (third in the series) yesterday. Have a fantastic freaking day people.

Kryptonite

hollywoodhatesme.wordpress.com

Okay Monkeys, this blog is straight up. No add in with my life. (As much as you love to here about it.)

Kryptonite. It's Superman's weakness, right? (At least, according to his wikapedia page.) And people tend to use it when they talk about weakness, it's a term that's thrown around. And personally, I think that weakness is severely underrated. In life. In books. In comquates.

What most people don't realize about weakness is that we're drawn to it. There are whole books, TV shows, fields of study that go into weakness. And why is this? Seems sadistic, doesn't it. We love things that are smaller then us, we crave for some sort of control over someone.

But that's not exactly it. Not that I can see anyway.

I think, for the majority of us, it's about finding something to relate to in another. Humanity is judged by the difficulty of their pain. The most revered people in the world are ones who overcome adversity, who struggle through weakness. People who are too perfect, well, they're fine for the most part. But let's face it, you secretly hate that guy, am I right? Or maybe you feel over protective of them? It's because they have it easy. They are weak, because they don't grow. Makes them a bit unappealing.

And there in lies my point. Your characters need challenges. True challenges, ones that are skin deep. Ones that they can overcome only through blood sweat and tears. As authors, I figure our natural inclination is to make our characters invincible. I mean, on some sort of level, they are our babies. We want to coddle them, give them everything they want, hide their evil from the world. (Unless your like my neighbor, whom I'm relatively sure eats children. Doesn't really help that her house is made of gingerbread... I don't know. Food for thought I suppose.)

But in order for the reader to keep interest, they need to feel a connection to the character. They won't be able to put themselves in the character's place unless they been there themselves. And when you can't put yourself in a character's shoes, it's just not that great of a book. So you're not doing anything for your characters by shielding them. All your doing is making them boring. I mean, come on. Even fairy tale princesses have to live under the constant fear of getting kidnapped. Your has no excuse. Wuss.


REASON 52137688888888888 WHY SADISM SOMETIMES WORKS!

My Productive Day

Photo credit to Bo's Cafe Life

Sigh...I'll read you one of these days...inbox.

...

OMG THAT'S RIGHT THE BLOG!


Awkwardly shuffles back to blogger. 

Hey there guys! I so did not forget about you Monkeys! And I know that when you read this blog you'll probably realize it's a bit dated, like maybe it was meant for July or something. But that's nonsense! What do you think I do with my time? Obsessively try to beat Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance, geek out about the Avengers coming out on DVD Tuesday or going to target with my geek friends and buy magic deck builders? Please. I'm so totally dedicated to my writing. Like, I'm seriously married to it or something. And I so totally was not doing any of the above, at all. So just drop it, okay? No, I'm serious, to tired for this from all my writing! JUST GET OFF MY BACK! Sigh~This is why I can't have nice things.

_____________________________________________________________________

1)Wake up at too-darn-early o'clock.

2)Lay in bed until your sure parents are gone.

3)Stay in bed for another hour just to be safe.

4)Sit up in bed and grab laptop off of floor.

5)Boot up laptop.

6)Open up Google Chrome.

7)Open YouTube Facebook Gmail Wattpad Weebly Blog Goodreads Netflix and Camp NaNoWriMo.

8)Watch YouTube videos.

9)Update Status.

10)Open No Matter What You Do, Stick With the Pack.

11)Edit three sentences.

12)Refresh YouTube.

13)Watch eight more videos.

14)Back to Stick With the Pack.

15)Post new chapter on Wattpad.

16)Read new comment by ThisKittyHasClawz.

17)Love her forever, whoever she is.

18)Stare at ridiculously small Human By Day, Monster By Night outline.

19)Decide your never going to write this stupid book.

20)Remember how much Raven and Kyla were looking forward to it.

21)Sigh and continue to stare. Your too good to your friends.

22)Open Vemberia: The Call Of War

23)Fall in love.

24)Continue to write your impressively 23 page long chapter (and your not even half way through it).

25)Think about how absurd it is that it's not a bestseller yet.

26)Cry a little.

27)Talk to friends from school.

28)Resist the urge to throw things because of just how flipping condescending they can be sometimes.

29)Get your cool back.

30)Decide to commit to being a hermit for the rest of your life, like all good writers.

31)Remember Raven Kyla Faith Megan Diana and other such awesome people.

32)You really are too good to your friends.

33)Forget about being a hermit and make five cups of mint tea.

34)Remember you need to make that video for church.

35)Spaz at life for being so stupid sometimes.

36)Write enough blogs to last you through out August's NaNo.

37)Pull Human By Day, Monster By Night outline again.

38)Half-heartedly write two chapter outlines.

39)Screwed.

40)Refresh all pages on Google Chrome.

41)Finish up internet business.

42)Watch TV with parents that are now home.

The Qualities of a Seasoned Writer

Hello once again Monkeys! DJ Bec-a-peck here, bringing you straight up beats! (I've still riding the vibe from my Intro to Radio and TV.)

Story Time: There is a woman I know, who shall remain nameless, who is the most energetic and dually the most obnoxious person I have ever had the displeasure of knowing. Ever since I finished my first novel she has been saying things along the lines of "Now your almost as smart as me" and  "Now write 100 more and you'll be me." (Side note-she's never written a book in her life.) And just to get under my skin, while I was querying agents and getting rejected, she would brag about the supposed "agent" she had.

~*Sigh*~

Excuse me for a moment.

Grabs pillow, stuffs face into it.

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

'K. All good now.

Recently she extended an olive branch and proposed a truce so that I might help her with her first NaNoWriMo and subsequently her first book. While I've been more then generous and understanding, there are some things she's said that I worry about.

       "I barely ever read. I hate reading."

       "My game plan: finish book, send to editor, get published."

       "I've written five books, in my head. I just need to get them down on paper."

Can you spot what's wrong with this picture?

As a service to my poor, naive friend, I've dedicated this blog to what a writer looks like when he/she knows what he/she's doing.

A Writer Reads Constantly
There is no exception to this rule. No read=no write. Writers are made out of a true love for books, you can't write properly without it. How are you supposed to know what makes a decent book if you've never cracked one open? Do not take this lightly. Read. Read until you start hearing the voices, then read some more. And then maybe write. Maybe.

A Writer Writes Constantly
Equally as important, but with some exceptions. Writing is like exercising a muscle, leave it be and it turns to flab. And really, it's more then just writing constantly. It's wanting to write constantly. Are you happy? Write. Just land a top dollar promotion at work? Write. Feel like you could punch your hand through a dry wall? Write. Sick of writing? Write write write. (Get it, right? Awesome, write about it.)

A Writer Is Patient
Writing a book, it takes a while. Doesn't happen over night. And guess what? After you finish, it takes a while to get published. A long while. Like I'm-not-even-sure-I-entered-the-tunnel-yet-so-how-the-heck-am-I-suppose-to-see-a-light long. And no matter what stage your in, no matter how far away from the finish you are, no matter how great or terrible you feel about yourself, it will always seem impossible. Which leads me to my next point.

A Writer Is A Dreamer
Let's face it, no one really expects to ever be published. Especially if they know even a minuscule bit of the publishing industry right now. No one can actually imagine the gratifying taste of finishing a book until they have, or having it propped up on a shelf until it's there. You've got to stupidly hopelessly fall in love with  your book, you've got to never get to comfortable, and you've got to want it. Badly. Really badly. You've got to sacrifice society and sanity to be able to go all the way. And in order to let that go, you've got to be a dreamer.

And, lastly,

A Writer Is Willing to Sacrifice

Do you have friends? Family? Arch Enemies bent on destroying you down to the very core? Well, say good bye to them. Along with your free time, your money, your love life, and, above all, the hope of seeing sunlight or ever tasting fresh air again. You have no time for such trivial things anymore, you are an author. You live your book. You breathe your book. You love your book. You hate your book. You tuck it in at night with a bed time story and in the morning you tell it to go screw itself. And the cycle goes on and on until one day you wake up and realize you are your book. And when the foam starts frothing in the corners of your mouth your loved ones will take you to the happy farm with the men in white coats and while your sitting in the pleasant padded room you'll think to yourself I might have gone a bit overboard. And that, Monkeys, is when you can officially refer to yourself as a writer.

Well, that's all I've got for writers in general, whether they be professional aspiring or otherwise. Other little tips include being sure to remember to feed yourself (seriously, set an alarm on your phone or something. Time flies when your delusional) and that when you develop an addiction to something (and trust me when I say you will), please be sure it's something healthy like coffee or chocolate.

~*Real Quick*~

I'm on the downward slope for the third book in the Order of Vemberia series, and am really exicted, so here's a little teaser. 

Shana: It is my understanding that after you and Zane are finished with your business in earth, you will no longer be companions. What will you do then?

Scrapper: Find another planet, one without people, and live there.

Also, I have a new short story posted on my website. Ode to Running the Mile. (At the bottom of the page.)


OKAYDJBECAPECKPEACEOUT!

Live Journal #01

Why You Should Get a Dog

This blog is brought to you by my lovable crazy little puppy Desi, who is just about the most destructive disgusting infuriating sweetest dog you will ever meet. It is also brought to you by a page in The Pocket Muse By Monica Wood that says the following.

"T.S. Elliot loved cats.
William Butler Yeats loved cats.
Christina Rossetti loved cats.
John Keats loved cats.
J.R.R. Tolkien loved cats.
Mark Twain loved cats.
Christopher Smart loved cats.
Marianne Moore loved cats.
Ernest Hemmingway loved cats.
Oscar Wilde loved cats.
Doris Lessing, Rita Mae Brown,
Carolyn Chute, Nuala O'Faolain...
Isn't it time you got a cat?"

No, it isn't about time I got a cat.

In case you couldn't put two and two together, I'll spell it out. I'm a dog person. And you should be too. Here's why.

Dogs are love-ably dumb.
They do not need to be the kings (or queens) of the house. They are not cocky. They do not think they own you. They are happy if you simply remember to give them a treat, maybe scratch in that little spot behind the ear that they like. And they are so transparent about their emotions. If they're upset, you see it in their adorable puppy dog eyes. If they're happy, their tails will swing around like a helicopter. And their always looking for a playmate. (And, speaking of my dog personally, she always seems to know when I need her happy little kisses.)

You can walk dogs.
Now, granted, I do not claim to be an expert on the care taking of a cat, but don't they do their business in a box? Okay, yeah, that's real convenient. Because everyone loves it when when animals pee and poop in the house. Real lovely fragrance that comes with it. But seriously, walking dogs is the better route. I know, I know. Your thinking to yourself But having to walk a dog is tedious. And there's an old couple that lives next door that my dog loves to attack. But think of it this way. Sometimes, you need to get away from your computer/notebook, right? You need sometime to think, to work out the next part in your book. And sure, you can take a walk around the block to clear your head. But still, who wants to look like a depressed loner? When ever I see someone walking alone on the street who isn't over sixty or carrying a backpack, my heart breaks a little. Thusly, dogs allow you to take a nice leisurely stroll without giving off the vibe that you have issues.

Dogs are a challenge.
I'm not going to try and tell you that dogs are easy to take care of. They're noisy, obnoxious, very dumb, and seem to ram into things all the time. Everyday when I come home from school I see a new part of the sofa ripped up and a nice little surprise waiting for me on the carpet. Not to mention in the dead of night Desi will crawl into my bed and absolutely hog it, trying to cuddle up to me. This may sound endearing, but in 100 degree weather I'm less then pleased to be pressed up against my 80 pound sweaty fur covered heat machine. No matter how many times I kick her off the bed, she jumps right back on. And if I get up to pee she will somehow encompass my whole double twin sized bed. Did I mention she snores?

But that's the fun in it! Who wants an animal that just lazy-s around the house all day? I wanna a pet who's never going to stop pushing me to my limits, keeping me on my toes. It's one of the few things I can actually handle.

Therefore, get a dog.

So what's your take? Cat or Dog? 

The Ways of Inspiration: Dreaming

Hello, and welcome to another exciting episode of Becca talks to herself! This week on the agenda we have-
Wait...No that was the other thing. Nevermind.

Clears throat.

Greetings Primates. Prepare to embark on a magical journey, deep into the depths of-
Hold on...Nope. Still not right.

Sips tea. Clears throat.

...Monkeys? Is that what this is? Right, I'm sure I have it this time. Sorry about that guys. Long week, lots of stress. You get the picture. On with it then. So, this week I'm starting a  new mini series, The Ways of Inspiration, to dive into what makes someone create a story. Where exactly does that spark come from? As any practiced writer knows, this is an impossibly large subject. There are without a doubt as many answers as there are people alive. Times two. But just for the fun of it, lets try to narrow it down to some general categories. And what better way to start then with dreaming?

This particular post comes from a number of things going on in my life that have taught me the importance of a dream. To get a bit scientific on you for a second, the importance of dreams goes beyond just the necessity of sleep. We all know, of course, that our bodies need rest to function properly. But dreams? They have a purpose of their own. Oddly enough, they help us sort out what has gone on through the day. I don't know all the science behind it, I only got the cliff notes, but apparently dreams are part of what keeps our sanity. They give our brains a chance to figure out what's what. Ironic, I know. But I have a point. And I sincerely can't stress this enough, I'm speaking from a place where good friends of mine are suffering because of a lack of dreams, getting full restful sleep is very very important. Insomniacs, hear my plea. Please take care of yourselves.

'K. Done with the heavy stuff. Now onto the writing. 

For any writer, I believe, dreams are an invaluable tool for inspiration. In dreams, anything can and will happen, just like in our stories. And, much like how I feel when I'm creating a story, it's not really me that's in control. I'm just observing and recording. But it's so much more then that when it comes to dreams! It's a way to engage all of your senses in the story, if only for a night. You're not just imagining it, you're living it! This is golden in the universe of fiction, to be able to put your self in your main character, to be able to experience your fictional world. Last night I was at a friends house spending the night (I practically live there, they even have a mattress for me) I had this amazing dream and when I woke up before I could even yawn I was jotting down pages of notes in my writing journal. I'm telling you guys, this has got to be one of my favorite forms of inspiration.

So what about you? Have your best stories come from the realm of dreams?