Monday, June 9, 2014

Goodbye Becca

Does that title confuse you? Does it maybe make you a little bit nervous? Maybe it should. I know it does me.

Here's my confession. If you have been reading this blog, you know that Becca Lathorn is my pen name. In fact, if you're a follower you probably know my real name anyway. Here's what you maybe know, something I haven't been able to admit to myself until recently. I use this fake name to separate my writing from God. There's always been a disconnect between my writing and my faith, I know. Something I thought I could get away with if I wrote things that were cool enough. It was the perfect crime, the way I could be whoever I wanted to be while still following God's plan. I mean, if my rebellions were only written, who could they hurt? How could they hinder my path? That, and I think I did it because I was scared that if I wrote about God, that'd be sealing my doom somehow. I started really getting serious about writing around the same time I started making friends at school, I wasn't going to let God get in the way of that. (Without going into detail, that didn't work out so well for me in the end. Surprise surprise.) And while I got away with not writing very Godly things with my friends for the most part, there were those who could tell from the beginning. And now it's something that I not only can see, but can't ignore.

About a year and a half ago I went to a Christian writing conference where God started to set this train of thought down in my heart, gave me a conviction. Before I went to that conference I thought writing with God was a plan destined for failure. I could name the number of Christian writers I knew on my hand, and had actually read even less. God showed me at that conference that was far from the case. I saw people at that conference that did what I never thought to do, acknowledge the fact that their writing was a gift from the Creator and offer it back to Him, to use to see His kingdom come.

Over the course of the past school year, starting college, I actually saw my voice for Him grow in the least likely of places. I depended on Him and sang His praises in the place where it was most difficult, in a liberal arts college filled with people who thought me naive deluded and weak for practicing a life of sightless faith and trust. It was there that my mission from Him became clear, my writing was to be used to glorify Him, no matter the anxiety I had towards how it may work out in the end. I discovered my love for children's fiction there, and the first Christian stories that I actually found myself interested in. And I knew, whether it would lead me to riches or rags, I could no longer afford to squander my words.

That's when I started to look back, and realized that under this name I invented for myself, I wrote some things I wasn't proud of. Whether or not these things actually ever saw the light of day is a different matter, it was the fact that I allowed my imagination to commit these deeds that lead me away from what I should have been doing all along.

You, readers, have seen this journey as well, to some extent. If you go back to the beginning of this blog, you will see little God and more Me. Yet in my more recent posts, you will see me grow bold in talking about Him.

I see now that my thoughts can be put to better use.

I guess this could be considered my literary baptism in a way, but the point of this post is to end it. There will be no new posts on this blog. I'll be taking down my website soon as well, and my Facebook page. I'll be starting from scratch. If you want to hear my new words, I'll be posting them over at Cartoons And Afternoon Tea. After I've gained some momentum I might bring some of my old (God-oriented) posts from here but that's the last you'll here from Becca Lathorn.