Okay, so maybe I'm making a bit of a leap here. The bible doesn't directly say AND GOD DECLARED THERE SHALL BE NO CANOODLING IN THE MAGIC PICTURE BOX OR THE MYSITCAL SOUND CUBE. (I mean, probably not. I don't know, maybe it's somewhere in Psalms.) But when you get to thinking about what Jesus's opinion is, can you actually tell yourself yeah, he'd be cool with it? Yeah, no. And you know what, I get where he's coming from. I so do.
1) Sex Has Been Ruined For Me (...The Hipster In Me Anyway)
I haven't even had sex yet and I'm so freaking over it. It's just so...mainstream. (Dun-dun- DUUUUUN!)
It's everywhere! It's on TV, movies, books, EVERYWHERE! It's really freaking sad that you can't escape it even if you wanted to and personally, it's sucked all of the discovery out of it for me. I feel like I've been robbed of half the excitement of my wedding night because I already know what's going to happen more or less. I mean, come on media, at least say spoiler alert.
2) Inflation (Nickles Used To Be Worth A Lot. So Did Sex.)
The fact that sex is everywhere cheapens the value of it so much. It used to be that you had to invest in the person you where engaged with, that you had to put in effort. Now that people feel they have the liberty to do whatever they want sex has been down graded to it's most basic physical pleasure. And that just sucks because God intended it to be so much more. He gave us a gift when he made sex a meaningful experience. He could have just left it at "procreate the species" like he did with animals and made it a chore but he wanted us to find joy in the act of bringing new life in this world and he wanted us to share a deeper bond with the person you choose to spend your life with. Well, so much for that. And not only that, but it makes it out that this cheap, meaningless exercise is worth so much more then it is. I mean, this knock off of intimacy is meant to be the reason for existence? MMMMMM, nope.
3) Cake Analogies (Death By Association)
This is probably one that's a bit personal, but sex has ruined cake for me. I don't know if you know this, but in college, all you ever talk about is sex. (And Doctor Who, which I'm cool with.) So one, I have nothing to talk about most of the time. And two, I know a lot of things I'd rather not know. But whenever I'm trying to vent my frustrations about this with my friends back home, there are always children in the room. And they look up at you with their little eyes that know nothing of the shame in the world and babies grow out of cribs for all they know. And none of us want to ruin their happy little minds so we tried to find a substitute word. And that word was...
I'm so sorry.
Because now, cake has been ruined for me just by being bound to all the horrific experiences I've had involving my far to blunt confrontations with sex in college, like watching a graphic film in order to study it or when someone in fiction writing is reading what is generously called soft porn. (They have a name for that at Columbia, Art.) Now, when I think of cake, I think of that night when my roommates talked about all the sexual conquests they've had in their life and when they tried to give me advice about it. That's not a night I want to remember when I'm at my friend's sister's five year old birthday party.
4) Needless Distractions (Why Have A Relationship When Someone Else Can Have It For You?)
Speaking strictly from a storytelling point of view, having sex or a relationship in a story can be a crutch. Don't get me wrong, romance is a driving theme in life and without it none of us would be here, and I'd be lying if I said that my heart doesn't melt when I read a good romance. Heck, even when it's a minor plot point in a book, if it's done right then HECKS YEAH I SHIP IT. But let's keep in mind, the romance has to be well done. This means that it has to have significance and needs to be fully fleshed. What do I mean by this?
Well, for one, for it to have significance means that you can't just have it there to have it there. It can't ever be a last ditch effort, or part of some formula to make an instant success. When you force a relationship into a plot it only drags it down and damages it's credibility. If you want an example, go watch any movie that's out right now. In fact, I dare you to find a movie without at least one romance going on, main plot or back point.
Second, the romance needs to be fully fleshed. Hollywood will tell you that you're significant other only exists to jump in front of a bullet for you and to fulfill you physical needs. Everything else is a side note. This is a cheap thrill designed to get you to identify with a character by playing on what you hope you're girl/boyfriend or spouse will do for you. But see, that's not all that there is to a relationship. (I would know, I've never been in one.) First off, you're partner does not live for your convenience. They are indeed their own person as well. And again, contrary to what we see all to often, you and your partner do not become one symbiotic being. Yes, the affection you feel between you is intense and yes a lot of your being should coincide or compliment your "other half" but the two of you remain to very different being with very different problems and from that there will be conflict, real meaningful conflict where it results in real awkward pain and something difficult to work through rather then divorce or angry, cheap sex. When you see a romance that does this, you've seen a romance done right.
And I realize that this section is getting a bit ranty but while we're on this note I feel I have to say that not all stories need a romance. Sometimes the conflict already placed is significant enough that it doesn't need anything else or a character just isn't ready for that level of relationship or wouldn't necessarily encounter it in the setting they've been placed. Look at some Cartoony Greats; Spongebob, Tom and Jerry, Pokemon! (I realize that at some point all of these shows had a romance but they didn't shove it into the lime light and tried to force it to be something it's not.) I mean, when we live in a world where Cartoon Network can't seem to string along a couple of shows without some sort of love story, you know we're going overboard.
5) Comparisons (I Don't Have Anything Clever To Say Here...Yet.)
Much like not every story needs a relationship, not every person needs a relationship. Me, I'm eighteen and I've never even had my first kiss. If I were to go by the standards of today, (largely enforced by the media), this would be because I'm not good enough to have a boyfriend. Maybe it's because I don't fit a cookie cutter figure or because I'm not interesting enough or I'm just too just darn awkward to become a "completed set" and to be worthy of participating in "the ultimate pleasure". Once upon a time, I really believed all those things were true. About a year ago I realized that I didn't have a boyfriend because I didn't really want a boyfriend. I wanted exactly what TV told me I should want, someone who lived to make me look and feel better. And when I really thought about it, I liked being single. I wasn't ready for a relationship at that level. And besides, there were no guys around me that I could truly picture myself with, at all.
But here we've got all these people jumping into relationships for those very reasons, we've created a co-dependent society. People are impatient and aren't willing to wait to for the person they're truly meant to be with, no matter how long it will take, because they think that being a partner and a friend is overrated and just want to get down to the bottom line. We all think that we need that special someone and we need it now, or else we're not really living. And shouldn't we all be blessed that the media has found the meaning of life, sex. So we date and we marry the perfect body without considering the perfect soul, because, well that guy is married and this girl is happy and yada yada ya.
Point is, don't listen to or compare yourself to anything, fictional, lyrical, or otherwise. It never ends well.
Stats of the Week
Song: Let's Dance To Joy Division by The Wombats
Book: The Rook by Daniel O'Mally
Word: Selfie (Yeah, it's a word now. Look it up.)
Quote: "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose."